Chaos

The last few weeks have been very chaotic.

First, after writing about how I needed to take my car to the shop I finally did it and I ended up paying much more than I probably should have… They also told me my car needed some extra work and the total was close to $2,500. J talked to me and told me that if we were going to spend this much in a car, it would be better to just go ahead and get a newer car. Since my (old) car was paid off, it was worth much more to just go ahead and trade it in while it was possible to get some money back. So after paying what was necessary to keep my (old) car running, applying for a new loan, and going car shopping, I finally settled for a beautiful Mazda 6. At first it was bittersweet, because I loved my Camry, but moving onto something that shouldn’t give me as many issues as my (old) car, felt better. Changes are impossible to prevent, but changes for the better must be taken with open arms.

The second chaotic thing that happen to us was during our short vacation. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post about it, but I have been thinking about how much I need to talk about it (I’ll get to that point soon). While we were at the happiest place on Earth, J got a call to let him know he will have 60 days on his current position and then he will be displaced. We have gone down this route twice now, thankfully this time it’s just him and not both of us… Last time it was both of us at the same time.

The third thing, not so chaotic, but a change nevertheless. I promised I would donate my hair to Children With Hair Loss if my team at work could raise enough money to make a child’s dream come true. Sure enough they did and I donated 13″ of my hair. It’s been slightly  difficult to get used to my short hair, BUT it was definitely worth it because there will be a child who will enjoy my hair probably more than I did.

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After thinking about it, and seeing how little I’ve been posting, I realized how stressed I am. I had lots of changes in my life and even though some aren’t big, they still affected me. I thought I was okay with change, but I see that I am not.

So after a long night on Friday, when I cried and cried thinking about what is next, I realized that I needed to let go, mostly the whole job ordeal with J. I have been accustomed to my (new) car, that didn’t take much. I have endless possibilities with my hair. I’m still stuck with just straight for now, but I’m trying out products to see what would work well (recommendations, anyone?). When it came to J’s job I took the “I need to be positive” road until I couldn’t do it any more. It is scary. We have a mortgage, a new car payment, plenty of other bills, and more important two children and a cat. We have a lot to worry about and just thinking positive wasn’t working. I don’t have any doubts that he is more than capable of getting a job, but it’s unknown and it’s unsettling. I broke down, and I needed to do so. I still think he’ll get a job in no time, but in order to be positive I also needed to freak out a little.

I know I haven’t been consistent with the blog, but as you can see this is why, but I am trying to get back at it and hopefully soon I’ll be able to report some good news.

See you guys later,

Mo

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